FORMER funeral director Philip McKenna has raised a smile -- by lifting the lid on the funnier side of his profession.

Death may not be the obvious subject for a comedy book but after more than 20 years in the family business in Lancashire, Philip isn't short of a rib-tickling tale or two about some of the wackier aspects of dying.

Philip, who ran the Waring's funeral parlours in Shearbrow and Grimshaw Park, Blackburn, wrote "I Told You I Was Ill" after being urged to put down his anecdotes by friends and family members. He penned the stories four years ago during a year long trip around Australia and New Zealand with his wife Jacqui.

The couple now live in New Zealand, where Philip works as the superintendent of a crematorium and three cemeteries.

Philip joined the family funeral parlour business at the tender age of 19 where he was one of six of the McKenna family children to follow in their father Leo's footsteps.

He became a fully qualified embalmer and funeral director before moving from Lancashire to his new home.

Philip said: "People in the pub had been telling me for ages that these were funny stories and that I should write them down.

"It's certainly not something that most people associate with comedy and I'm sure nobody's ever done anything like this before."

Philip's favourite tale from the book is when he and brother Steve were called to a house to remove a body. He said: "We went in to the house and were met by a gentleman in obvious distress who told us there was a body in the upstairs bedroom. We went up with the coffin but there was no body. We checked the other bedroom but there was nobody there either so we went back down to talk to the man.

"He came upstairs with us and took us back into the first bedroom, went up to the bed and pulled back the bedclothes and there was the body of his dead pet parrot.

"He was absolutely beside himself and insisted we take the pet away in the coffin.

"He was obviously a well-to-do sort of chap and insisted on a full burial ceremony in his own private woods at Stonyhurst."

As well as the countless amusing anecdotes about similar experiences, Philip has also written a chapter about the most frequently asked questions to do with burial, which include novelties like "Do we get our loved one's ashes or are they someone else's?" and "Is the coffin cremated with the body?" and about his chauffeuring business.

"I Told You I was Ill" is published by Winckley Press at £8.95 and is available from WH Smith.

PHIL'S FAVOURITE TALES

FIVE of Phil's favourite tales from his many years experience in the funeral business.

1 Seeing an elderly man asleep in the chapel before a funeral service Phil went over to gently wake him up only to discover the man had died of a heart attack.

2 Baffled by a disturbing groaning sound coming from a corpse Phil examined the body from top to toe and discovered the eerie noise was coming from a tiny hearing aid in the corpse's ear.

3 A vicar presiding at a burial forgot to take the keys to the chapel gates leaving Phil and brother Steve to clamber over the fence with the coffin.

4 A widow asked if her husband's ashes could be put in an egg timer so he could be made to do some work after he was dead since he had never done any while he was alive.

5 Phil's brother Steve once gave an annoying customer the fright of his life by lying in a coffin and jumping out in front of him.