EVER since Gemma Nolan attempted to take her own life by swallowing a handful of her own anti-depressants, she has been questioning the medication that was intended to make her feel better.

The overdose did not cause any lasting damage, but the Blackburn mum ‘couldn't help realising the irony of the situation’, as the tablets that were meant to stop her feeling suicidal were the same ones she used to tempt death.

This happened when Gemma was 17, and although she persisted in trying various combinations of pills over the next six years, last autumn she came to the conclusion that they were not helping her.

And while she does not recommend her course of action to others she does believe it is the right solution for her.

A leading charity has also warned that it can be ‘extremely dangerous’ for bipolar sufferers to ignore the advice of doctors and come off their medication.

The former Westholme School pupil, said her problems started about ten years ago, with self-harming and feeling like she ‘hated herself and didn’t fit in’.

On the advice of doctors, who had put her struggles down to ‘hormones’, Gemma tried seven different anti-depressants, as well as counselling. And although some of the pills seemed to help she said they left her feeling ‘numb, lethargic and dispirited’.

Despite completing a teaching assistant qualification at Blackburn College, and raising her daughter Charlotte, four, Gemma said she ‘completely broke down’ over Christmas 2012.

This forced her to pull out of a university course in disability studies.

Gemma, of Lindley Street, Mill Hill, said: “It was then that my mum made the decision to pay for me to be privately referred to The Priory in Preston, and within about 20 minutes the doctor diagnosed me as having bipolar disorder.

“I was given some different medications, a mood stabiliser to balance my ups and downs and an added anti-depressant to boost me up, and at first, they appeared to work better than any others I'd tried.

“But it soon became apparent that I was about to be faced with my biggest side effect yet. I went from a tiny size eight to a bulky size 12, literally within weeks, and put on over three stone.

Despite healthy eating and exercise she became more overweight which led to her feeling more depressed.

Last November Gemma took the decision to try and live ‘med-free’, against the advice of doctors, and began weaning herself off the pills.

She added: “I can’t stop the dark days entirely, and I don’t think I ever will, but for me this isn't something any amount of counselling or tablets can fix. I am finally able to learn how to live with this disorder by recognising and avoiding my triggers.

“I know saying goodbye to medication would have dire effects for most people living with this disorder; however, it was the right choice for me.

“Though my life is far from perfect; I am finally happy, and able to accept myself just the way I am.”

Suzanne Hudson, chief executive of Bipolar UK, said: “I obviously can’t comment on this specific case, but generally speaking, what concerns me is the high suicide risk for bi-polar patients. By coming off medication you’re increasing the risk of suicide by about 20 times.

She added some people had come off medication successfully, but they were probably having other treatments such as counselling.

 

Ups and downs of bipolar disorder 

  • Bipolar disorder is a condition in which your mood can swing very high, or very low, for weeks or months. It used to be called manic depression.
  • Your mood can either be: low with intense depression and despair, high or ‘manic’ with elation, over-activity or anger, a 'mixed state' with symptoms of depression and mania.
  • Bipolar disorder is less common than depression. It affects about one person in a 100.
  • Famous people with bipolar include Stephen Fry, Bill Oddie and Kerry Katona.